Your kiss was like a shot to the face, quick, tactless, and highly effective. My cells started running at the sound of gunfire; that relief and thrill of danger. As you pulled back I found myself drowning in your green eyes, that deep green, so bright it was blinding me. As I went to catch my breath you kissed me again, stealing the air till the point that my head spun.
In that intoxication of youth and love you seemed perfect. A body freshly cut from the stone and a face still jaded to your future hardships with beauty. I traced your body with my fingers as it was my first time, and so help me if it was going to be my last, I wanted to remember all of you. Your sharp hips, your slender shoulders, your hair, that small bend in your back, and all the other parts my hands were glued to for those previous five minutes; all of which I was still amazed was happening.
It was eight days before I turned seventeen, Summer just began and we needed something to do. Our idle hands quickly found each others’ bodies. My parents were gone, they were always gone, that time you were there. I remember that day, June12th, 2001, I remember that time, 6:23pm, It was the first time we had sex Lee.
The World was changing and following that trend we threw our caution to the wind. You were aggressive, pulling my clothes and hair to twist to your pleasure. That was the first time I truly saw your speed and finesse, you lips were everywhere at once. I tried to keep up but my hands were fixed on your breasts, unwilling to let go because of a fear that it was my only chance to be this close. Over the years you have proven how childish a fear that was.
We stumbled through the house, managing our way to my room, attached at the lips we moved like strange marionettes dancing to our wild passions. I led the way, walking backwards through the doorway, you were struggling to remove my sweater and bumped your elbow on the frame. Your face was so serious, devoid of any pain or emotion, there was an intensity so hot it was burning my exposed skin.
You pushed me to the bed, I laid there in only my bra and jeans, exposed as your wiling prey. That little sweet girl named Lena Maguire was gone and some sexual beast stood before me. You locked on to my eyes as you moved effortlessly and undressed. That tight shirt, your lace bra, that patterned skirt… You paused as you tucked your thumb under the top of your leggings. You knew I loved them, something so secretive and sexy about that black fabric clinging tightly to your slender legs. You smiled as I knew you saw my eyes recording the image into my memory.
That figure, slim and fragile yet over-flowing with power, the sight of your semi-nude body rushed the blood to my skin. You were for me, and only me in that moment, utter perfection. Even till this day Lee I’m envious of your body and beauty. Time and again you put my lanky frame to shame with your flawless skin and slight curves.
You pulled the leggings down to your ankles and stepped out of them. My lips curved into a grin as you weren’t wearing underwear. For what I could only count was a second, I saw a bit of shyness blush on your face. I think I was twenty-five when I finally realized what you felt. At that moment you had no secrets to hide, bare, true, and pure. That nude girl standing in my room was the most honest thing I have ever seen in my life.
I’ll never have the courage you have. Even in that honest moment of yours I laid hidden in my remaining attire, far too ashamed of my small breasts and thick thighs. Like always you forced me out of my safety-zone as you straddled my hips and pulled at my bra.
You grinned as you exposed my breasts, I often wonder whether that excitement came from seeing me naked or that look of complete fear on my face. You nestled your face between the curve of my neck and left shoulder. Kiss after kiss came from your mouth as you covered my skin in little droplets of your saliva. You left a trail as you went from my neck to my breasts.
Your lips were so soft on my skin. My body was twisting under your mouth as your lips glided gently from my left and right breast. Your hands were quick as I felt you pulling my jeans from my waist. The tight denim clung to my wide thighs as you giggled at the difficulty. You were determined and in record time my jeans and panties were tossed on the floor along with your clothes.
I’m sure my face was colored red as you sat on top of my nude body, your eyes however never left my face. You didn’t say anything, I’m sure I muttered some phrases to try and break the tension at that time. Looking back on that moment and all the other times we’ve had sex, I realize sex is the only time we switch roles. You go quiet and into this different world and I ramble unable to avoid the sensations in front of me. Sex was our great equalizer.
I’m not sure when we stopped, light had long since disappeared from the window. It was Friday so we had lost all concept of time. Weekends are eternal during Summer. My parents were gone on another weekend trip up north, so that night was free of interruptions.
We rested under my comforter, you did so to fight the relentless cold of a Michigan Autumn, I did so out of that continued shame for my body. You were in a quiet slumber as your head rested near my chest. That beautiful amber hair of your was a knotted mess after our first true sexual escapade. It was so quiet. My body was so tired from all the twisting and bending, I felt paralyzed with satisfaction. I was happy. I remember thinking that over and over again, I was so happy to be with you.
The quiet was broken by a sudden rain tapping on the window. It’s weird how it always seems to rain at the right times for us. You joked it was a blessing of the divines, I continue to insist it’s just happenstance. Either way, in our most proud and sad moments over the years the rain always found us. Just like you always found me.
The sound of the rain woke you as you raised your head slowly from my chest. You sighed and smiled as your eyes opened and found my face.
“Hey,” you said with a kind softness in your voice.
“Hey,” I responded, lost yet again in your green eyes.
“That was fun,” you giggled playfully.
“Any complaints?” You tilted your head with that loaded question.
“I should be asking you that.”
“I’ll admit, I was worried,” you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, “But this feels right… Perfect.”
“This was your first time with a girl right?”
“Yeah. I’m not some old pro or anything, I mean, I’ve only had sex a few times with two different guys. They were just using me to get off though.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Wanted to be normal.”
“So unhappiness is normal?” I said.
“It’s the one thing we all have in common. The only really happy people are weirdos,” You said as you kissed me on the cheek confirming all the rumors, I was a weirdo and now so were you.
“What about you Emma? You’re far too skilled to be a first timer.”
I laughed, “This sorta is my first time.”
“There was this older girl that I fooled around with when I was like fifteen. We did a few things but nothing too serious.”
“What happened to her?”
“She realized I was a weirdo,” I kissed you confirming the rumors, I truly did love you.
“Sex is weird,” you said with a sound that was a mix of a sigh and a chuckle.
We laughed together as we continued what could be considered the most awkward pillow talk ever. You taught me something, from that night and onward, something that shaped me. That peaceful night, nude and alone with the rain, we touched something so pure and rare, a truth that remains till today.
Sex is weird. Sex is complicated. Sex is scary. Sex is well, sexy… More importantly we learned that sex is communication. All those things in my head I could never say, you always knew because we continued to mesh our skin and hearts. The quiet secrets you kept from me, I knew them because you spoke them in kisses across my body.
The honesty of our nude bodies beside each other, the audacity to forget time, the selfishness, the selflessness, it all said so much, never heard but only felt. So many thoughts and feelings I left written across your skin… Your words still burn on mine.
After all these years there hasn’t been another great communicator. I’ve spent years speaking but only receiving idle banter and cliches. There hasn’t been a single person since you I’ve laid next to and thought, I am happy, I am happy she is with me. Now I only think, why isn’t she with me?